I am not an 'ATHEIST'......

It was a very boring day yesterday. I was very sad. There was nothing new for so many days. I am sick of such prosaic and mundane activities of daily life. I always want something new. I wanted to do something but couldn’t find out what to do. So I finally decided to read out all my recent articles posted on my blog. So I started with the very first and ended up reading the last one in half an hour. After reading all my recent articles, two words slipped out from my mouth which I didn’t intend to say- Thanks God. I asked myself why did I say that? Did I really intend to say this? No. It was such a moment of pleasure, a moment of sheer happiness inside me, a moment of self-realization, a moment when you really want to share your happiness with someone very close. It was a moment when you want to give yourself completely to God. It was a moment when you realize that you are in the process of proving yourself to you only. It was a moment when you really want to thank God from the core of your heart. It was such a beautiful moment that I can’t even explain in words. I could feel the energy restoring inside my body. I could see a big smile on my face. I could talk to God without even speaking a single word from my mouth.

But why did it happen? Does God have something to do with this? As I have always been quite skeptical about this very entity called God. Sometimes I feel that I am an agnostic personality. I always find myself looking answers for a question what is God? How can we worship God? How can we talk to God? Is it necessary to go to temples to worship God? Or is it really necessary to worship God? I never find myself comfortable in temples. Temples seems to me like nothing less than a political institution where every person is busy doing politics about other, always concerned about other person’s life, busy in planning how to pull someone’s leg, discussing their family problems in temples. It is an institution where corruption is legal. Nobody is concerned about where they have come and for what purpose. Nobody is concerned about God. Moreover, many a times I get an opportunity in temples to ogle the opposite sex. There comes the question of morality. Is it immoral or not? So for many reasons, I don’t feel like going to temples. Does it mean that I am an immoral person? Does it mean that I don’t believe in God? Does it mean that I am an 'atheist'? Does it mean that I will always do the wrong thing? Does it mean that I am not allowed to be a nice person? Does it mean that my belief in God would invalidate any good intentions which I have towards my fellow human beings? Well, if ask from the society, the answer would be ‘Yes’. But why is it so? Can it be such logical that on the basis of some false myths, a person is declared an ‘Atheist’? It is just bullshit, a height of nonsense.

I think God is always around you. God is always inside you. You don’t have to search for God because God is always within you. You don’t need to go anywhere in search of God. You just need to feel God inside you. It’s all about perception.

Today we are living in such a suffocating world where we are not having even a religious freedom. Where we have to accept God in the way what so called religious people have made for us. We are living in a society where our religious people have made an assumption that moral and ethical choices are religious ventures only. A person who fears from God is moral and who does not, is immoral and non-ethical person. Is God really such an entity from whom we should fear? I never feared from God. I am not afraid of God. But our society would never be able to let this fear evaporate from their minds. Well, that is their problem.

But why the hell society is concerned about any other individual and keeps on forcing him to accept their said rules? Why he is being seen as a culprit in the eyes of the world? Why they are not able to understand that if he is not useful to you for his own beliefs even he is not harmful to you for that? I really don’t know when our societies would be able to liberate their minds. Some says that God helps those who help themselves. I am helping myself in my own way. I am doing what my heart tells me to do. I am trying to be loyal to myself. How can you be loyal to God if you are not loyal to yourself? Be loyal to yourself first and only then try to be loyal to God. I have no intention of expecting the entire world to have the same beliefs I do. If they do, it is not my problem. If not, I am perfectly fine with it. Sometimes I feel that which is considered ‘immoral’ in our society is ‘moral’ for me. And in most of the cases I find it relevant too. How can it be this much logical? Sometimes I think I am an alien to the world and they are aliens to me. We are just living under the same sky but completely aliens towards each other in the world of thoughts. But the fact is this-Not all ''religious people are saints and not all ''atheists'' are sinners. The ability for someone to be good or evil, moral or immoral is not determined by their religious preferences rather it is determined by their personal philosophies which may come from sources other than religion. I have just tried to convey my message to this hypocritical world that I am not an ‘Atheist’.

I am not an ‘Atheist’; just my way of paying devotion to the God is different.

Fear of Death....

Fear of Death.................?

It has been almost a fortnight since a question is haunting me continuously. It keeps me awake at night. It does not allow me to rest. It sucks me in to keep on thinking about it. Some days back, my best friend called me up at night. He was unhappy. He wanted to talk with me. He was feeling very lonely. He was very frustrated. He was disturbed by his failure at every stage of life. He was struggling with the hard realities of life. So I was trying to cheer him up. Like don’t worry brother everything will be alright very soon. I was giving sympathy to him. And during my effort trying to make him happy, I said to him- Live your life as it is the last day of your life. Suddenly a question got struck in my mind which I couldn't ask him but me. Question was what if it is really the last day of my life? What if I come to know that someday would be the doomsday of my life? What if I come to know that this life which I am living would be over very soon? What if I come to know that I have a very short time, a very limited time to do whatever I want to do? What would happen at that time? What would I be doing at that time? It’s like when a doctor says to you that you have very short time left. Or in doctor’s code, he is actually saying to you- Prepare to die. How would I be preparing myself to die? Sometimes it scares me. It doesn’t let me concentrate on other pieces of work. It haunts like a ghost to me. It is persistent, unrelenting, continuously recurring in my mind. It is maybe because I don’t want to die. No one wants to die. Of course, you don’t want to die even you are not happy with your life. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. But some questions regarding the actions of that very day keeps me haunting. I asked myself, would I be given a chance to rape before I die considering my last wish? Would I be given a chance to kill a man who had once screwed up my life? Would I be given a chance to do all such things which are considered ‘immoral’ in our society? Would I be given a chance to spend my entire father’s money on my last wishes? Would I or would I not? I really don’t know. It is purely an intellectual concept. And I am speechless. But I think that probability of getting these opportunities on the way to death is high than demanding these living your life. Does that mean death can give you what you couldn’t get in your life? Or even a fear of death? Does that mean fear of death is more beautiful than life? Maybe yes. Fear of death helps you in eliminating the most of the choices in your life leaving you in front of only the most important things of your life. Fear of death gives you courage and intuition to listen to the voice of your heart and you really start listening to it. Because it already somehow know what you truly want to become, what you want to do, and what you have to do before you die. Earlier I used to have grudges for some people in my life. But today I don’t have any. I think life is too short for such bullshit things. Life is too short to enjoy, to learn, and to live. Live it to its fullest. It is very precious. Don’t spend it living someone else’s life. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions ground out into our own inner voice. Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the resolves of the other people’s thinking. It was the fear of death which could make me realise all such things. Death is a destination which we all share. Whether rich or poor people, good or bad people, black or white people, a king or a servant, death is common to all. No one has ever escaped it. It clears out the old to replace with the new. Earlier I thought it was very scary. But now I realise that it is not that much scary. Actually death comes to you in the face of reality. And realities are sometimes hard to face....

UDAAN.....

UDAAN tells the story of thousands of youths from India’s middle class families. It is undoubtedly a significant film about the youth, so often disparaged for the eager, an ungratified pursuit of their dreams and imaginations. It is a story about the youth who does not want to act like robots, does not want to be programmed like robots. Who just want to listen to the voice of their heart and want to do whatever their heart tells them to. It is such an emotionally charged film that sometimes moves you to tears. It is a very simple, straight-forward film that doesn’t need to be explained. It is a movie which needs to be rather experienced. Touching, unnerving and disturbing movie. The simplicity of the movie is what makes the movie wonderful. It is a story which is not too uncommon in India but the way it has been shown is what brings the freshness in the film. It is a story of anguish and escaping away to fly the kite of one’s dreams.

The film begins with the four impish teenagers who has just been rusticated from their boarding school after they were caught watching an adult film (Kanti Shah ke Angoor) by their dean. The story follows the life of one of the boys Rohan ( Rajat Barmecha), who has not been to home in eight years. After being expelled, he has to go back to the steel town of Jamshedpur and live with his father ( Ronit Roy), owner of a small steel factory. As he reaches home, he comes to know the existence of his step-brother Arjun ( Aayan Boradia). On his return home, Rohan is forced to work in his father’s steel factory against his wishes. And the authoritarian, oppressive and tyrant his father is, he can’t even question him. As he is stuck there with his dream of becoming a writer seemingly getting shattered, he learns to cope up with life. Soon he discovers that his brother is also a victim of his father’s wrath. He starts to love his step brother, manages to write between work and college, sneaks out for a drink or two at night but inspite of all this, he is getting suffocated badly. He wants to escape. He wants to live like a free bird. He wants to fly. He wants to fulfill his dream. He doesn’t want to live his life at the cost of his dream...

The fourth main character in the movie is Jimmy (Ram kapoor), a kind and caring uncle to the kids, a dramatic dissimilarity from his elder brother. His soothing characterisation eases the pressure on both of the kids. The film is high on emotional quotient. Many scenes stay with you long even after you are done watching the movie. There is nothing ‘bollywood’ about this film, it’s as if this movie was shot with a handy cam capturing the lives of a real family. Every scene of the movie relates to our lives somewhere in some way or the other.

Ronit Roy, as a single father has done his job with the perfection. He insists the two sons call him ‘sir’. He doesn’t like arguments, and after his daily evening drink, cannot control his anger. Beating the children is commonplace and emotional abuse is constant. He is completely frustrated and his children are the only victims of his frustration. Barmecha has done an impeccable job in portraying a kid who has lived his life in one of the best boarding schools and now stuck in a small town. He sneaks out at night for drinks and smoke, and still manages to jog with his father in the morning. His poems are really beautiful, so you just want to listen to them again and again. His step-brother is raw talent and displays a wide emotional range with panache. He is very adorable, very real and so cute you just fall in love with him. He is somewhat aware of what is going on but obviously at his age, he just can’t do anything at all. He oozes cuteness and sympathy every time he is on screen.

The music of the film is simply amazing. Songs are such meaningful, simple and touching that suits the mood. I couldn’t help but notice how aptly soundtracks fit the mood of the film at various points.

As the film moves towards it denouement, you desperately hope that Rohan breaks the shackles and frees himself from such a suffocating world... I still remember the scene when his father is chasing him after getting poked, some words came out from my mouth unintentionally- Run Rohan, run.......I just wished that his father could never catch him up..I think this is quite obvious after watching such type of movie. This is the movie that will send chills down your spine. It is such an inspirational movie which will help you to ‘fly out of a cage’ if you are in one. It is just filled with unforgettable moments. It won’t be easy for me to forget this movie soon....I am mad at it....I am highly satisfied by the movie....I just hoped that the film could never come to an end....I am still lost in the movie....I can’t stop myself thinking about it and listening to the songs...A must watch for all.....Hats off to Anurag Kashyap and Vikram Motwane.....

My favourite song.....awesome lyrics....every word, every sentence....flawless...

पैरों की बेड़ियाँ ख्वाबों को बांधे नहीं रे, कभी नहीं रे
मिटटी की परतों को नन्हे से अंकुर भी चीरे, धीरे धीरे
इरादे हरे हरे, जिनके सीनों में घर करे
वो दिल की सुने करे ना डरे, ना डरे
सुबह की किरणों को रोकें जो सलाखें है कहाँ
जो ख्यालों पे पहरे डाले वो आँखें है कहाँ
पर खुलने की देरी है परिंदे उढ़ के झूमेंगे
आसमान आसमान आसमान
आजादीयाँ, आजादीयाँ
आगे न कभी , मिले मिले मिले
आजादीयाँ आजादीयाँ
जो छीने वही, जी ले जी ले जी ले

Beating Pain.....

Oh pain! Oh pain! There's something you should know,
Halt now, surrender, and listen to what I say,
Every time you hurt, I only thrive and grow,
Oh pain, you'll see, you will not have your way.
Oh pain you knock so loudly on my door,
Armed with grief and loaded with tons of sorrow,
Oh pain I'll win, I'm ready for this war,
I won't give up I'll see a better tomorrow.
I know your goal is to destroy but wait,
If more pain then courage and hope does soar,
My spirit rises a song I do create,
I told you I will surely win this war.
Do you see what I mean now Mr. Pain?
If not for you my life would be in vain.

ME...............?

Me...........?

Although it has always been one of the most difficult questions for me but still I am trying to resolve it. I am still trying to find out what is ME? Who am I? A morally good son of my father. What else? What am I doing? I am doing business or in other words I am helping my father in his business. What else? Am I doing something good for myself?...............................Blank. Am I doing something for my future?.......................not sure... What is my identity?....................................Blank. Do I have some my own identity out of my father’s identity? ...............Not yet....Have I even tried to build my own identity?.................May be No....Am I happy?.............Well totally out of the question. Then why the hell I am doing something if I am not happy doing that? What do I really want to do? What do I really want to be? What is my basic instinct? Do I even have one? What I am today is really what I always wanted to be? Am I on the right track? I really don’t know. At one time, it seems to me that I am near perfect...but at the other time, it feels like I am nothing. I hate myself for this when I am always confused, flummoxed, bewildered....I hate myself when I always find myself in front of more than one option and unable to choose... I hate myself for my reluctant behaviour. I think that the toughest phase of your life is when you start struggling with yourself.....when you start questioning yourself.....when you really don’t want to prove yourself to the world but you......

Technology, machinery, computers, innovative thinking attracts me a lot....Precisely “how things are made” this very concept of thinking appeals me a lot...Now I think I should have become an engineer instead of businessman..Now is obviously not the time...I used to think earlier that to be a businessman was my basic instinct until today...but I was wrong, though I want to be...but the question is how can I know about my basic instincts? Do they keep on changing from time to time? During my struggle with myself to find out my basic instinct, what I could find out what was really not? I thought it was as easy as to find a girl not suitable for you than to find a girl who is perfect for you. Earlier I thought that was blogging, writing, reading etc...I never found myself interested in blogging or writing....I could never make up my mind set....I thought my mental level was never up to that mark....I never found myself suitable to write, read or blog.....although I tried but couldn’t pursue for long... Again I was wrong....Because these days I am enjoying like anything in blogging, reading and writing.....I can’t even explain how much refreshed I am feeling these days.....I mean I don’t have words to express my joy....But I found myself again confused.....Fuck man.....Oh Jesus, I don’t know what is really happening to me....Am I not wasting the golden period of my life....? My professor used to say to me that you can make your present as well as future only between 20 to 30 years of age...this very period makes the base for your future...And I am still wondering if I am going the right way.... I am feeling like shit...it frustrates me a lot...I want to cry....I want to get the hell out of these structures....I want to live like a free bird...I want to enjoy....I want to explore.....I want to be a clearheaded guy....

Someone very important in my life once said to me that everything happens late in my life....and that is true.....Now considering my present situation, if I want to fuck now then I can say that I’d be surely fucking a girl two months later or maybe six months later.....though everything happens late but it surely happens....What is my life...? Is it something more than a fucking procrastination machine....? Well, it can’t be just like that.....I still have to do something for my life.....

But there is one thing I could find out during my struggle with myself is what I always wanted to be? And now I can say that I always wanted to be a LEARNER....Yes, a learner at every stage of my life....And that’s what I am A NOVICE.....

Tears shed from my eyes a lot during writing this article......I don’t know why.....It’s may be because this is the first time I am not confused about myself.....If not exact, still a very clear picture of ME....

Pre-marital Sex Vs Indian Culture

Pre-marital sex is a big NO-NO in our culture for various reasons. It is not only considered as a taboo in our society rather considered as a sin. Not only is the act of sex, but also discussions and conversations about sex are taboo in our society. Our society is unable to understand that sex is a very strong biological need. However sex after marriage has a purpose of not only evolution but also a medium of expressing love between couples. If sex becomes a mere need of the body then it becomes monotonous and cannot be enjoyed in true sense. This is also the reason why many marriages are failing nowadays. Because the concept of sex is not very clear. We always think of sex in negative sense. While prohibiting sex until one is married has its own merits, one must also consider the fact that in recent times the age in which the men and women are tying the nuptial knots has been slowly on the rise. Early 30s is a common age until which men and women remain un-married due to prevalent socio-economic situation. And these days most of the children become sexually active before 19 years of age. So there is a huge gap. Sex is something important to our body and by refraining it till marriage is a blunder. This is the reason many people treat marriages nothing more than a license to enjoy sex. It is like if you are hungry, you eat garbage or you wait for the right food. When it is misunderstood, one tends to resort to junk food as well.

The bottom line is when two young people are together and hormones are bubbling, it is very difficult to stay in control. Sex is something basic like food. Binding it by tradition makes you yearn for it and spend half your time thinking about it and the focus on other things just remains blur. I feel it is high time to move out of cultural boundaries we have set for ourselves. I think cultural boundaries are apparent in the form of our mental conditioning and have become part of our belief system. I believe culture and tradition are ever changing. We can learn a great deal from what has been practiced in the past and retain those that have worked well for us but there is also a need to weed out the ones that are not relevant anymore. It is also the duty of the parents to talk freely on the subject with their kids and enlighten them. Sex should be freely discussed also in schools, colleges etc. I think the education curriculum in schools and colleges can also play a important role in providing awareness and discussion of associated issues. Studies have shown that when sex is openly discussed, the incidence of teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases goes down provided it is seriously discussed without emotional melodrama. So the least we can do for our youth is that if a girl and a boy wants to enjoy sex, cultural boundaries, physical control should not be a restriction for them. Someone has rightly said- Go with the flow of universe.

Some questions.......................?

1. Can we learn to understand our opposite sex at a deeper level without sex?
2. Doesn't sex kickoff our spiritual thinking?
3. Don't know about others but many a times i get an opportunity in temples to ogle the opposite sex? Is it some sort of deficiency? Is it immoral?
4. Why do we have to live two lives? One for the society (The Parents etc.) to show them that we are virtuous people. On the other hand, in the real life we are driven by the need and desire of sex.
5. Do emotional attachment dissipates after sex or it becomes even more stronger?

Some Questions..........................?

There are some questions which i feel answered and still unanswered at the same time. I wanted to discuss it so shared on my blog.

1. Why Sex is a taboo in our religion or in our society? Some say it is a gift from GOD then how can we exercise sex in a sacred way?
2. What exactly is the difference between morality and immorality? Isn't it our prerogative to choose between the two?
3. Expectations are illusions or not?
4. Is there always a luck factor in everything? Is it always? If no, then when it is not?
5. How can one know about his inherent aptitudes? Maybe everybody knows but how can one be damn sure about it? Do they keep on changing?

Control computer by sight technology

A laptop prototype has been unveiled with a device that allows a user to control the computer by sight.

The eye-tracking technology monitors the user’s gaze and works out where they’re looking on the computer screen and means, among other things, that users can play a game where they defeat enemies because the game’s lasers hit where they look.

It can also scroll text on the screen in response to eye movements, sensing when the reader has reached the end of the visible text.

In the future, such a laptop could make the mouse cursor appear where the user is looking, or make a game character maintain eye contact, according to Tobii Technology Inc, the Swedish firm behind the tracking technology, the Daily Mail reports.

Now planned for commercial use, the eye-tracker works by shining two invisible infrared lights at the user.

Two hidden cameras then look for the glints from eyeballs and reflections from each retina. It needs to be calibrated for each person, and works for those with or without glasses.

Barbara Barclay, general manager of Tobii’s analysis solutions business, said rather than a replacement for the traditional mouse and keyboard or the touch screen, the eye-tracking could be complementary, making a computer faster and more efficient to use.

Tobii has been making eye-tracking devices for researchers and the disabled for nearly a decade. The laptop is its way of showing that eye-tracking could expand beyond those uses, Barclay said

The laptop is made by Lenovo Corp, and incorporates Tobii’s eye-tracking cameras in a hump on the cover, making the entire package about twice as thick as a normal laptop.

Which Religion Should You Follow?

Hemant Mehta wonderfully creates a flowchart to determine which Religion should one follow! While I wish there didnt exist a need for religion to exist alltogether, the flowchart is nonetheless quite a nice attempt.

India may surpass China’s growth rate in 3-4 yrs: Basu

Buoyed by country’s robust growth prospects, Chief Economic Advisor Kaushik Basu today exuded confidence that India could clock a higher growth rate than China in the next three to four years.

“I think we (India and China) are very close in terms of growth rate now. Within the next 3—4 years, for us to overtake the growth rate of China is possible,” Mr. Basu said at a CII post—Budget conference here.

India economy is estimated to grow 8.6 per cent in the current fiscal and up to 9.25 per cent in 2011—12.

In the last three months of 2010, the domestic economy expanded 8.2 per cent while China grew 9.8 per cent during the same period.

Earlier this year, the World Bank projected that Indian economy would overtake that of China - on purchasing power parity (PPP) basis - by 2012.

According to Mr. Basu, it might take time before India could overtake China in terms of per capita income, especially since the neighbouring nation’s per capita income is three times more than India.

In 1978, the per capita income of both countries were the same, he added.

World Bank in its report had projected Indian economy to grow by 8.7 per cent in 2012, faster than 8.4 per cent expected for China.

However, these projections were based on PPP basis, which means that purchasing power of currencies are taken into account for measuring economic growth.

Currently, the size of Indian economy is USD 1.3 trillion while that of China is worth USD 5.5 trillion. Few weeks back, China also emerged as the world’s second largest economy, toppling Japan.

Apple unveils iPad 2

The biggest surprise at Apple iPad 2 launch event was the fact that Steve Jobs was there to present it. Jobs walked out to a thunderous standing ovation and stated, “We’ve been working on this product for awhile, and I didn’t want to miss it.”

The $499 device is thinner than the iPhone 4, twice as fast as the last tablet, camera-equipped, and ships March 11 in the United States and March 25 in 26 more countries. The surprisingly fast roll-out highlights the fierce competition in the tablet market.

The iPad 2 is very much a video device. The resolution is the same, the price is the same and the battery life is the same. The new feature is a front and back facing camera which was not available on the original iPad.The biggest surprise at Apple iPad 2 launch event was the fact that Steve Jobs was there to present it. Jobs walked out to a thunderous standing ovation and stated, “We’ve been working on this product for awhile, and I didn’t want to miss it.”

The $499 device is thinner than the iPhone 4, twice as fast as the last tablet, camera-equipped, and ships March 11 in the United States and March 25 in 26 more countries. The surprisingly fast roll-out highlights the fierce competition in the tablet market.

The iPad 2 is very much a video device. The resolution is the same, the price is the same and the battery life is the same. The new feature is a front and back facing camera which was not available on the original iPad.Apple has used in-house designed dual-core 1GHz A5 System-on-Chip processor inside the second generation tablet. It's capable enough for multi-tasking, video recording, FaceTime video calls and loads Apps faster. The Graphics core boosts nine times better visual performance compared to the first generation iPad, TechTree reports.

The second generation iPad 2 will have 3G network support along with Wi-Fi (802.11 a/b/g/n) and Bluetooth 2.1+EDR. Apple has shelled out a new HDMI cable connector that promises 1080p HD video output when connected to the proprietary 30-pin dock connector port on the iPad 2.Additionally, iMovie is now available on the iPad 2, and is specially designed to make it easy to edit videos on a tablet format. Facetime, which has been available since the launch of the iPhone 4, is now available on the iPad 2, too, and can perform videoconferencing between both iPhone and iPad 4 devices. Garageband for the new iPad will allow you to plug in instruments, add effects and record up to 8 tracks.

Apple also unveiled a new cover that snaps onto the device using built-in magnets on the iPad2. The cover rolls back and acts as a stand for watching video and to allow for easier tapping. The cover also has a microfiber surface on the inside that helps keep the iPad 2 surface cleaner.

The 81st Geneva Motor Show